Musings
by Kirbie
Summary: One-shot. Non-romance. Cloud loses his confidence in himself after he nearly kills Aeris at the City of the Ancients. Each member of his party helps to bring back his spirit in their own special way. Kinda cheesy, but whatever. It was a school project.


Notes: Hey, this has definitely been done before…(I haven't read any FF7 fics, but this is good plot material, so…yeah…) but I had to do a fanfic for my writing class at summer camp. (That's one weird teacher.) And I ended up with this. Well, see if you like it. This is, as far as I know, a one-shot, because I can't think of any plot continuations at the moment. There is no romance between Cloud and Aeris, or any character at all. This is just angst. 

Oh yeah and, I was also thinking of doing a fic on what would happen if Cloud had actually killed Aeris. I think this has been done before too, but this idea is infecting my mind and taking my concentration away from all the other fics. Review if you want me to do a fanfic on this, but don't accuse me of trying to copy if this idea has already been used. . It's not my fault, I say!!

One last thing- the events that happen in this fic don't necessarily happen in the game. I pulled some quotes and stuff from the game, but that's about all. The setting where this takes place exists in the game, but you don't go there afterwards.

Now on with the fic!!

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Cloud's POV

"Cloud? Cloud, are you in there?" Tifa's genuinely worried voice shook me out of my dream-like state.

I heard Yuffie arguing with her. "He's probably fine, sometimes you've just gotta let a person have a little time to themselves, ya know? Gawd, stop nagging. He'll come out when he wants to."

I felt a surge of gratefulness at Yuffie's words. I wondered where she learned to analyze people like that, because she sure was good at it.

"Well, all right…" Tifa said doubtfully. "Come out if you feel like it, okay Cloud? No one blames you for what happened back there. So at least stop worrying about that."

I heard their footsteps receding down the hallway. 

_What did Sephiroth almost make me do down there?_ I wondered. _How come he could control me? I know he said that I was a puppet…but…I can't be! _

_I just can't be. Otherwise, we wouldn't have made it this far…_

But then a nagging little voice awoke at the back of my head. _Yes you can. After all, you almost killed Aeris. Have you ever wondered what would happen if Yuffie and Vincent hadn't snapped you out of your little trance back there at the City of the Ancients? Hmm?_

I felt a sudden rush of guilt and panic. What _would_ have happened?

A few months ago, I thought, without a doubt, that I was Cloud Strife, former member of SOLDIER.

Now I was having second thoughts. 

It's sort of ironic that just a few years ago I was a kid, naïve and trusting, wanting to join SOLDIER and be just like Sephiroth- a famous, high-ranking SOLDIER that everyone looked up to. A few years ago, I would have never thought that such evil could exist in the world. I would have never thought that my greatest idol would turn out to practically force me to kill one of my true friends. I didn't know about Meteor, or the Black and White Materia, or Jenova, or Ancients back then.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been like if I had never found out about those things.

"Cloud. Get the #%@* out here. We're all worried 'bout you, you've been in there for a day now."

It was Barret.

"Look, it's not your fault what happened back at that $%#@*& place. Get that through your spiky haired head!! Like I said before, if it happens, it happens. Don't worry 'bout it." 

"I can't not worry about it. How do you expect me not to?"

"Don't tell me that you don't feel like getting some @#$%&^ revenge on that Sephiroth freak."

"…" Barret was right. I hated to admit it, but he was right. Anger was coursing through my veins at the moment, along with fright and sadness. A part of me still didn't believe that Aeris was dead. Another part wanted revenge on Sephiroth, just like Barret predicted. But another part of me told me that I should just give up on the mission for fear of causing another near-catastrophe- and next time, my friends might not be at my side to snap me out of it.

"I do, but…"

Tifa's voice joined Barret on the other side of the door. "Then let's go get that revenge, and save the planet while we're at it!"  
  


"But…"

"Gawd, don't be such a coward, Cloud," Yuffie's voice carried through the cracks in the door.

"Besides, we're all here for you," Cait Sith said. "We won't let anything like that happen again."

"But I might end up hurting another one of you…it's too risky…I can't do it." The answer sounded lame even to my ears.

"%$@#!!!" Cid shouted. "That's @#$&%^$*!!"

"Stop it, Cloud…" Vincent's quiet voice still rang just as loudly as everyone else's enthusiastic protests. 

"There's no such thing as a good excuse," Red XIII said in a wise voice. 

"Besides, Aeris wouldn't have wanted you to mope over her death. She would have wanted you to go on with your journey and save the place that she sacrificed herself for to let it live a bit longer."

I thought for a while, then smiled. Everything was finally starting to click into place, after a day's restless thinking. I stood up and opened the door.

"Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go!"

Everyone exchanged relieved looks, which I definitely noticed, and started to follow me.

"Hey guys, thanks for making me see logic back there," I said as we set off again.

"Well, someone has to make sure you don't get all sad and weepy on us in the middle of the mission," Barret said.

"I resent that."

As we set off, the brilliant beams of the setting sun enveloped us, casting red, orange, yellow, and pink light over us all.

And as we turned around, I thought I caught a glimpse of emerald-green eyes looking at us in the sunlight. Then I realized that even if Aeris can't travel with us physically, her spirit will always be with us, wherever we choose to go.

We set off across the vast green fields, a comfortable silence falling around us all.

_We'll meet again someday, Aeris…_

_I know it._

Well? How was it? You can e-mail me if you have comments or suggestions. Or better yet, just leave a review. ^_^ No flames, 'cause I have the lowest self esteem ever and…yeah….


End file.
